Jumat, 10 September 2010

5 Relationship Killers and How to Avoid Them

Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

As a relationship counselor, I am constantly being asked why so many relationships fail. In the 37 years that I have worked with couples, I have discovered five major relationship killers:

CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR

Most people enter a relationship with a deep fear of rejection, and this fear motivates various forms of controlling behavior. Controlling behavior falls into two major categories – overt control and covert control.

Overt control includes many forms of attack, such as blaming anger, rage, violence, judgment, criticism and ridicule.

Covert control includes compliance, enabling, withdrawal, defending, explaining, lying and denying. Often a person at the other end of attack will respond with some form of covert control in an attempt to have control over not being attacked.

Controlling behavior always results in resentment and emotional distance, bringing about the very rejection that it is meant to avoid.

RESISTANCE

Many people enter a relationship with a deep fear of being engulfed and controlled – of losing themselves. The moment they experience their partner wanting control over them, they respond with resistance – withdrawal, unconsciousness, numbness, forgetfulness, and procrastination.

When one partner is controlling and the other is resistant – which is really an attempt to have control over not being controlled - the relationship becomes immobilized. Partners in this relationship system feel frustrated, stagnant, and resentful.

NEEDINESS

Many people enter a relationship believing that it is their partner’s job to fill their emptiness, take away their aloneness, and make them feel good about themselves. When people have not learned how to take responsibility for their own feelings and needs, and to define their own self-worth, they may pull on their partner and others to fill them with the love they need.

SUBSTANCE AND PROCESS ADDICTIONS

Most people who feel empty inside turn to substance and process addictions in an attempt to fill their emptiness and take away the pain of their aloneness and loneliness. Alcohol and drug abuse, food, spending, gambling, busyness, Internet sex and pornography, affairs, work, TV, accumulating things, beautifying, and so on, can all be used as ways to fill emptiness and avoid fears of failure, inadequacy, rejection and engulfment. And they are all ways of shutting out your partner.

EYES ON PARTNER'S PLATE

Many people are acutely aware of what their partner is doing that is causing relationship problems, but completely unaware of what they are doing. For example, you might be very aware of your partner’s resistance or withdrawal, but totally unaware of your own judgmental behavior. You might be very aware of your partner’s anger, but completely unaware of your own compliance. You might be very aware of your partner’s addictive behavior, but very unaware of your own enabling. As long as your eyes are on your partner instead of on yourself, you will continue to believe that if only your partner changed, everything would be okay.

RESOLVING RELATIONSHIP KILLERS

All relationship killers come from fear – of inadequacy, of failure, of rejection and of engulfment. As long as you are coming from any of these fears, you will be behaving in one or more of the above ways.

The way out is to develop a loving adult self who knows how to take full responsibility for your own feelings and needs. You will move beyond controlling, needy and addictive behavior only when you learn how to fill your self with love and define your own inner worth. When you are willing to take your eyes off your partner’s plate and turn your eyes fully on yourself, you can begin to do the inner healing work necessary to heal yourself and your relationship.

A good place to start is to download our free Inner Bonding course and begin to practice the Six Steps of Inner Bonding. The daily practice of these steps will move you out of your addictive and controlling behavior and into the personal responsibility necessary to heal your relationship.

Kamis, 09 September 2010

5 Actions For Successful Relationships

Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Couples that have a very good relationship are not just lucky. Successful, loving relationships do not just happen. The couples that have loving relationships are taking specific actions that people in unsuccessful relationships are not taking.

ACTION 1 - KINDNESS TO SELF AND OTHER

Think for a moment about how you go through your day. Are you focused on what you don’t like in yourself or your partner? Do you spend much of your thinking time judging yourself or your partner? Or, do you make the spiritual attribute of kindness to yourself and others, including your partner, your highest priority?

People in successful relationships treat themselves and their partner with kindness – kind words, kind actions, kind looks, kind listening, and kind thoughts. It is far more important to them to be kind than to try to control their partner with anger, judgment, criticism, irritation, blame, resistance or withdrawal.

ACTION 2 - PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR FEELINGS

People in loving relationships do not make their partner responsible for their feelings. When they feel angry, hurt, anxious, depressed, resentful, irritated, guilty, or shamed, they look within at their own thoughts and behavior that may be causing their painful feelings. They do not see themselves as victims of their partner’s choices. Rather, they learn how to manage their own feelings without dumping their upset on their partner. When they can’t manage their own feelings, they get the help they need rather than dump anger, blame, anxiety or depression onto their partner.

ACTION 3 - ORGANIZATIONAL RESPONSIBILITY

People in successful relationships take responsibility for managing their time and space in ways that work for themselves and their partner. They make sure they have enough time with each other to talk, learn, resolve conflict, play and make love. The make sure they have time with children, time for chores, time for work and time for relaxation. They take care of their mutual living spaces in ways that respect their partner’s needs. If one partner tends to be neat and the other messy, they both strive to make their living environment pleasant for both of them rather than either of them complying, controlling, or resisting. Because their highest priority is kindness to themselves and each other, they are motivated to discover ways of living together that meets both of their needs.

ACTION 4 - FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY

Successful couples make sure that they not only earn enough to support themselves, but they learn how to manage their money in ways that do not create stress for themselves or their partner. They decide mutually if both of them will work or not. Partners in loving relationships do not unilaterally decide to stop working and live off the other person. Nor does either partner make unilateral financial decisions that have a negative effect on the other partner.

In successful relationships, one partner does not spend money in such as way as to create stress for the other person. Loving partners mutually decide on their budget and then both of them stick to it.

ACTION 5 - HEALTH AND WELLBEING

When two people care deeply about themselves and each other, they strive to take care of their physical health. Loving partners do not behave in ways that cause their partner to fear for their wellbeing. They do not take unnecessary risks, such as riding a motorcycle without a helmet, or participating in activities that could harm their eyes without wearing goggles. They don’t drink and drive. They eat well, get enough exercise, and don’t smoke. People in loving relationships do not want their partner to suffer the grief of their loss through premature illness, so they strive to take good care of themselves – partly out of caring for themselves, and partly out of caring for their partner.

Once again – successful relationships don’t just happen. They are the result of each person taking physical, emotional, financial, organizational, and spiritual responsibility within their relationship.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

Rabu, 08 September 2010

10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

“My parents had a very good relationship,” I often hear my clients say.

“What do you mean by good?” I ask.

“They didn’t fight. They spent a lot of time with each other.”

That may have been the definition of a good relationship years ago, but now most people want more. Following are ten signs of a healthy relationship.

KINDNESS

Is kindness more important to each of you than having your way, being in control, or being right? Do you each receive joy out of being kind to each other? Being kind rather than controlling with each other is essential for a healthy relationship.

SPONTANEOUS WARMTH AND AFFECTION

Do you and your partner well up with warmth and fullness of heart for each other and express it with affection? Are you each able to see the beautiful essence within each other, rather than just the faults? Are you able to get beyond the outer to the unique inner Self of each other? Do you enjoy sharing affection? Warmth and affection are vital for a healthy relationship.

LAUGHTER AND FUN

Can the two of you laugh and play together? Do you appreciate and enjoy each other’s sense of humor? In the midst of difficulties, can you help each other to lighten up with humor? Can you let down and be playful with each other, letting yourselves be like kids together? Laughter and fun play a huge role in a healthy relationship.

ENJOYING TIME TOGETHER AND TIME APART

Are you both each other’s favorite person to spend time with? Are you motivated to set aside time just to be together?

Do both of you have friends and interests that you enjoy doing? Are both of you fine when you are not together?

Some couples spend a lot of time together because they really enjoy it, while others spend a lot of time together out of fear of being alone. It is important for a healthy relationship for each person to have friends and interests, so that they are not dependent on each other. Dependency is not healthy in a relationship, particularly emotional dependency.

A METHOD FOR CONFLICT RESOLUTION

All relationships have some conflict. It is not the conflict that is the issue, but how you deal with it. Do you have a method for resolving conflict, or do the issues just keep getting swept aside? If fighting is part of how you deal with conflict, do you fight fair, or are you hurtful when you fight?

LETTING GO OF ANGER

If one or both of you get angry, do you hang on to it, punishing your partner with it, or can you easily let it go? In healthy relationships, both partners are able to quickly move on, back into kindness and affection.

TRUST IN YOUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER

Do you each trust that the love is solid, even in very difficult times between you? Do you each know that you can mess up, fail, disappoint the other, emotionally hurt the other – and the love will still be there? Do you each know that the love is about who you are, not what you do? This level of trust is essential for a healthy relationship.

LISTENING, UNDERSTANDING, ACCEPTING AND LEARNING

Do you each feel heard, understood and accepted? Can you share your secrets with your partner without fearing being judged? Are you each more interested in learning about yourselves and each other than you are in controlling each other? Is listening to each other with an open heart and a desire to understand more important than judging each other or defending yourselves?

SEXUALITY

Is your sexual relationship warm and caring? Can you be sexually spontaneous? Can you talk with each other about what brings pleasure to each of you?

FREEDOM TO BE YOURSELF

Do you each feel free to be all that you are? Do you each feel supported in pursuing what brings you joy? Does your partner feel joy for your joy?

While some people may naturally be open, kind, affectionate, accepting, and emotionally responsible for themselves, most people need to heal the fears and false beliefs they learned in their families. Healthy relationships evolve as each person evolves in his or her ability to be loving to themselves and each other.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

Selasa, 07 September 2010

KESEHATAN SAAT REMAJA MENENTUKAN MASA DEPAN KAMU

  
Pernahkah kamu mendengar bahwa hidup adalah pilihan? Ya kita akan memilih jalan hidup kita masing-masing. Mungkin beberapa dari kita sering bergantung pada orang lain dalam menentukan pilihan. Namun pilihan dan masa depan kita tetap berada di tangan kita sendiri. Masalah kesehatan diri juga merupakan salah satu pilihan yang mesti kita tentukan. Kita tentunya ingin selalu sehat dan beraktivitas sebagaimana layaknya remaja lainnya. Tapi semua sangat tergantung kepedulian dan kesadaran kita dalam menjaga kesehatan.
Mengapa kita harus peduli pada kesehatan kita? Banyak alasan yang dapat dipertimbangkan antara lain untuk merasa lebih fit, terlihat menarik, menjadi lebih kuat ataupun alasan lainnya. Banyak orang menganggap kesehatan sebagai harta yang paling berharga. Tanpa kesehatan kita tidak akan bisa melakukan sesuatu yang berharga lainnya, baik bagi diri sendiri maupun orang lain.
Masa remaja merupakan masa yang menentukan dalam hidup kita. Kita dapat mengasah kreativitas serta menuntut ilmu sebaik mungkin untuk menentukan masa depan kita. Berbagai aktivitas remaja seperti saat di sekolah, bersosialisasi dan aktivitas lainnya semua tentunyanya dipengaruhi oleh kesehatan. Coba renungkan, bila sakit atau mengalami kecacatan tentu aktivitas kita tidak seperti sekarang ini.
Terkadang dalam menjaga kesehatan kita memerlukan bantuan dokter serta sumber informasi kesehatan yang dapat dipercaya. Namun sesungguhnya yang paling paham terhadap kondisi tubuh dan riwayat kesehatan adalah diri sendiri. Namun remaja kurang mampu mengungkapkan permasalahan kesehatan yang mereka rasakan kepada orang lain.
Untuk itu kami redaksi RemajaSehat berusaha menyajikan materi sepadat mungkin dengan penekanan poin-poin yang patut diketahui para remaja kita. Selain itu kami juga membuka kolom diskusi untuk pertanyaan yang diajukan via contact us. Materi yang kami sajikan antara lain:
K
• Peduli Pada Kesehatan Diri
• Diet dan Kebugaran
• Bahaya Rokok
• Kesehatan Alat Reproduksi dan Seksualitas Remaja
• HIV/AIDS
• Narkoba dan Alkohol
• Hubungan dan Persahabatan
Jadi Para Remaja sekalian...
Ayo kita sama-sama belajar untuk lebih mengerti dan memahami seputar permasalahan kesehatan diri kita untuk menjadi remaja sehat dan cerdas.

Salam Ikhlas Tizar Rahmawan

Healing from Childhood Abuse

Margaret Paul, Ph.D.


In the 37 years that I have been counseling individuals, I have worked with many people who have suffered from severe physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse in childhood. Many who have sought my help were suffering from fear and anxiety, depression, various addictions, relationship problems and sexual problems. Many of these people had no memory of their childhood and had no idea why there were so unhappy. Many had spent years in therapy yet had never remembered their abuse.

The reason they could not remember the traumatic events of their childhood is because the child or children within, who suffered the abuse, did not feel safe in revealing the abuse. These unconscious inner parts were protecting the person from reliving the horrible pain of the past. These inner children knew that the adult self did not have the strength to learn about and manage the information and the feelings.

In order to remember and heal traumatic events from the past that are affecting you today, you need to have a strong and loving Adult self who is capable of managing emotional pain. Without this loving inner Adult, you may get so flooded and overwhelmed with the feelings of traumatic memories that you cannot function.

The gentle, transformational Inner Bonding process that we teach is a process for developing this strong, loving Adult self. The loving Adult is the aspect of us that is connected with a powerful and loving Source of spiritual guidance – whatever this is for you. Learning and practicing the Inner Bonding process develops your ability to connect with your personal Source of spiritual guidance. It is your connection with your guidance that gives you the strength to manage the intensely painful feelings of childhood abuse.

Once the inner children who hold the memories feel safe that there is a loving Adult self who is capable of managing the feelings, you will start to remember your past. As these memories come up, you will begin to understand the conclusions you drew about yourself that are currently causing your pain. Almost all children who have been abused draw erroneous conclusions about themselves as a result of the abuse – false beliefs such as, “I’m not important.” “I have no worth.” “I am just an object for others’ use.” “I am not lovable.” “I should never have been born.” “I would be better off dead.” “I don’t deserve love.” “I am a bad person.” It is these beliefs that are causing your present pain.

Healing from childhood abuse is not just about remembering the past. It is about remembering the very good reasons you had for drawing the conclusions that are currently causing you such pain. It is about gently and lovingly acknowledging what happened that led to your present beliefs that are now limiting you. It is about learning how to access the truth from your spiritual source so that you can move out of lies that you are telling yourself that are causing your current pain.

Most of us learn to treat ourselves based on how we were treated and how our parents or caregivers treated themselves. When your parents abused you, they were also not taking loving care of themselves and were not role modeling loving self-care. As long as you treat yourself the way your parents or other caregivers treated you and themselves, you will suffer. Healing from childhood abuse is about developing your loving Adult self so that you can learn to treat your inner child or inner children the way you always wanted to be treated.

You CAN fully heal from childhood abuse, but only through learning to access and bring into your being the love, truth, wisdom and strength of your spiritual guidance. Through learning and practicing the Inner Bonding process, you will discover the incredibly beautiful and perfect essence within you – the part of you that was never damaged by the abuse. This is your true Self that will emerge as you heal the false beliefs of your wounded self. This is what will happen as you develop your loving Adult self through learning and practicing the Inner Bonding process.

Senin, 06 September 2010

Emotional Freedom Techique - Finding the Core Issue


Theodore Herazy


Perhaps the most effective way in which to treat a negative emotional issue with Emotional Freedom Technique is to first locate and treat it directly via an early event that started or initiated the onset of a particular personal challenge. Once this core memory is determined, it can be cleared with the Emotional Freedom Techniques process. This will invariably help to resolve that particular issue. However, as easy as this is to report, it is often challenging to simply discover the onset of a core memory.

Body focused approach to identify a core issue

There are many ways to approach the discovery of important cores issues in EFT. These lurk below the surface of many of life�s emotional problems. Sometimes a person will attempt to use logic to follow a problem back in time. This is time consuming, and often doesn't work due to limits of the memory.

Another way exists to uncover the start of an early core memory. It is surprisingly effective with those who are �over thinkers.� In this approach it is necessary to still the inner voice, and tolisten to the voice of the emotions and feel the internal response that caused the inital negative emotions. Use the physical or body region associated with a stressful issue to gain access to long-forgotten memories related to the core issue.

First step

Attempt to tune into the strongest or most common feelings that arise with the stressful emotion or memory. Let us use the example of being afraid of the dark. In this case, simply tune into the feeling of, or to "be with," feeling afraid while alone in the dark. Just remember what the last time was like, what was felt, what was experienced in the dark. Take no effort to recall the specific details of the external environment. Do not think of or recall what was seen or heard; only recall and attempt to relive what was felt while being in the dark. The specific goal is to notice what sensations and feeling are felt during the last fearful episode in the dark, as well as where they were felt.

Second step

Next, describe the physical sensations using as much detail as possible. For instance, where in the chest is the tightness felt? How much of the arm feels heavy and dull? Is the headache on both sides of the head, or just one; front or back? How large an area of the truck does the numbness extend? Is it dull, sharp or perhaps like pressure? And so forth with as details and descriptors whenever possible. By this process of feeling the entire physical experience of the stressful event, it is possible to come closer to the core issue itself.

Third step

After a\reaching a high level of awareness, notice what emotions, memories, internal dialogue or visual scenes come to your awareness. It might be a recollection of sounds, warnings, criticisms, outbursts and conversation. Many times it is not a dialogue that is being recalled, but a replay of what the person has heard others say at the time of the stessful event.

Last step � Float back

Keep the physical sensations going. Allow the memory to "float back" and keep the attention on the details of the bodily sensations, emotions and personal-statements with a casual, relaxed and receptive attitude. Do not work on figuring out anything or making something happen; merely take time to allow the memory of interesting and forgotten thoughts to come to you.

Commonly a memory or image will arise after a short while, and are images connected to the current stressful issue. Do not be impatient with the process. After a few seconds it is common for someone to say, "I can�t think of anything. I am just not good at this kind of thing.� There should be no rush nor effort to think. Feel and experience long-forgotten memories. Almost like memories of a dream. Do not expect too much to happen too quickly, since this will stop information from surfacing. Take an attitude of no pressure, a relaxed state of mind in which thoughts come and go freely.

If you do not feel anything in their body, this can be significant as the actual problem being addressed. Since taking hte time to notice one's breath is an exercise in bodily awareness, this will bring energy into the body by way of greater oxygen flow, but deeper relaxation that comes with deeper breathing will enhance the ability to feel bodily sensations.

With a little coaxing and relaxed repetition, it is possible to recall an experience or scene related to the early onset of the stressful event or emotion. Once you achiee that memory, you are well on your way to great emotional release when treated with Emotional Freedom Technique.



Dr. Theodore Herazy is a prolific writer on a wide variety of Alternative Medicine topics; he has authored hundreds of articles and two books in the area of men's health and nutrition. He primarily has used EFT on a daily basis to treat his patients for the last 10 years, and is considered an expert in the field of energy psychology. Visit EFT by Telephone

Emotional Freedom Technique - Identifying Core Issues

Theodore Herazy

Perhaps the most effective way in which to treat a negative emotional issue with Emotional Freedom Technique is to first locate and treat it directly via an early event that started or initiated the onset of a particular personal challenge. Once this core memory is determined, it can be cleared with the Emotional Freedom Techniques process. This will invariably help to resolve that particular issue. However, as easy as this is to report, it is often challenging to simply discover the onset of a core memory.

Body focused approach to identify a core issue

There are many ways to approach the discovery of important cores issues in EFT. These lurk below the surface of many of life�s emotional problems. Sometimes a person will attempt to use logic to follow a problem back in time. This is time consuming, and often doesn't work due to limits of the memory.

Another way exists to uncover the start of an early core memory. It is surprisingly effective with those who are �over thinkers.� In this approach it is necessary to still the inner voice, and tolisten to the voice of the emotions and feel the internal response that caused the inital negative emotions. Use the physical or body region associated with a stressful issue to gain access to long-forgotten memories related to the core issue.

First step

Attempt to tune into the strongest or most common feelings that arise with the stressful emotion or memory. Let us use the example of being afraid of the dark. In this case, simply tune into the feeling of, or to "be with," feeling afraid while alone in the dark. Just remember what the last time was like, what was felt, what was experienced in the dark. Take no effort to recall the specific details of the external environment. Do not think of or recall what was seen or heard; only recall and attempt to relive what was felt while being in the dark. The specific goal is to notice what sensations and feeling are felt during the last fearful episode in the dark, as well as where they were felt.

Second step

Next, describe the physical sensations using as much detail as possible. For instance, where in the chest is the tightness felt? How much of the arm feels heavy and dull? Is the headache on both sides of the head, or just one; front or back? How large an area of the truck does the numbness extend? Is it dull, sharp or perhaps like pressure? And so forth with as details and descriptors whenever possible. By this process of feeling the entire physical experience of the stressful event, it is possible to come closer to the core issue itself.

Third step

After a\reaching a high level of awareness, notice what emotions, memories, internal dialogue or visual scenes come to your awareness. It might be a recollection of sounds, warnings, criticisms, outbursts and conversation. Many times it is not a dialogue that is being recalled, but a replay of what the person has heard others say at the time of the stessful event.

Last step � Float back

Keep the physical sensations going. Allow the memory to "float back" and keep the attention on the details of the bodily sensations, emotions and personal-statements with a casual, relaxed and receptive attitude. Do not work on figuring out anything or making something happen; merely take time to allow the memory of interesting and forgotten thoughts to come to you.

Commonly a memory or image will arise after a short while, and are images connected to the current stressful issue. Do not be impatient with the process. After a few seconds it is common for someone to say, "I can�t think of anything. I am just not good at this kind of thing.� There should be no rush nor effort to think. Feel and experience long-forgotten memories. Almost like memories of a dream. Do not expect too much to happen too quickly, since this will stop information from surfacing. Take an attitude of no pressure, a relaxed state of mind in which thoughts come and go freely.

If you do not feel anything in their body, this can be significant as the actual problem being addressed. Since taking hte time to notice one's breath is an exercise in bodily awareness, this will bring energy into the body by way of greater oxygen flow, but deeper relaxation that comes with deeper breathing will enhance the ability to feel bodily sensations.

With a little coaxing and relaxed repetition, it is possible to recall an experience or scene related to the early onset of the stressful event or emotion. Once you achiee that memory, you are well on your way to great emotional release when treated with Emotional Freedom technique.


Dr. Theodore Herazy is a prolific writer on a wide variety of Alternative Medicine topics; he has authored hundreds of articles and two books in the area of men's health and nutrition. He primarily has used EFT on a daily basis to treat his patients for the last 10 years, and is considered an expert in the field of energy psychology. Visit http://www.EFTbyTelephone.com for additional information on many EFT topics and information about doing EFT by phone.

Minggu, 05 September 2010

Emotional Freedom Technique - Tapping Points

Theodore Herazy

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is much more than a collection of particular tapping points; it is a self-administered method of energy psychology that to reduce a wide variety of emotional stresses.

The ability of EFT to favorably influence stressful emotions resides primarily in the ability to locate and remain focused on the correct issue that generates the greatest emotional stress, all while doing the standard Emotional Freedom Technique procedure. If a person is unable to determine the best and most stressful issue on which apply EFT, it is still helpful to create an accurate EFT set-up statement about the stressful issue and remain focused on it. Without the ability to isolate and hold onto the thought of an important stressful issue, using the EFT tapping points will not offer the kind of relief from negative emotions that results from clearly focused can offer.

This does not mean EFT tapping points are unimportant? While the actual EFT tapping points are important, the act of physically tapping during an Emotional Freedom Technique session is not nearly as important as selecting the correct issue to address, and how to compose the set-up statement about that issue. For greatest success it is important to invest time and effort to collect, prepare and mentally lock onto the memory or feeling that developed when your energy system became disrupted so long ago.

General EFT tapping point information

Some quick information about EFT tapping points in general:
1. Use several fingers to tap on each point, so you do not miss anything. Like using a big hammer, you will not miss the target.

2. Tap gently but firmly, fast enough that you tap maybe 5-7 times in 1-2 seconds.
3. Most EFT tapping points are bilateral, meaning they are found on both the right and left side of the body. It is not necessary to tap on both sides; tap on whatever side feels comfortable. You can tap on the left side only, on the right side only, switch between right and left, or you can even tap on both sides at the same time. It doesn�t make much difference, just tap on at least one of each tapping points.

4. Tap with the tips of fingers, not the fleshy pads.
5. Tap firmly, but never so much to hurt yourself.
6. With the exception of the top of the collarbone and under the arm points, I suggest using 2-3 fingers at each tapping point.
7. Remove your eyeglasses, watch and other jewelry that might interfere with reaching the EFT tapping points.
Either of two EFT tapping points used during the Set-Up Statement

There are two points you can �tap on� while repeating the EFT set-up statement. One is called the Karate Chop (KC) point. It is located at the outer edge of the hand just below the knuckle of the little finger. Not on the side of the knuckle, but below it.
The alternate point to use while repeating the set-up statement is called the Sore Spot; it is not at all a small point like the others, but more like an area covering a 2-3 inch circle. It is well known as a neurolymphatic drainage area that removes toxins from all the tissues above it. The Sore Spot is located on the upper and outer part of the chest, over the pectoral muscle, below the outer part of the collarbone, before you reach the head of the arm bone at the shoulder joint.
Seven EFT tapping points used with the Reminder Phrase

Next we will describe the location of the seven EFT tapping points used during the Reminder Phrase portion of an EFT round. These are all located either on the face or truck � five on the face and two on the trunk.

1. EYE BROW (EB) � The highest one, located at the beginning of the eyebrow, near the center of the face and near the nose. Use 2-3 fingers on either one of the two eyebrow points.
2. SIDE of EYE (SE) � Located near the outer end of the eyebrow, on the bone at the side of the eye. It is not close to the eye, and it is not on the temple. It is very near the end of the eyebrow. Use 2-3 fingers to tap here.
3. UNDER the EYE (UE) � Found under the eye in line with the pupil, very near the boney ridge of the eye socket. Again, you can use 2-3 fingers to tap on either of these two points.
4. UNDER the NOSE (UN) � Locate above the mouth, about half way between the nose and the upper lip. As you can see, there is only one. Once again, use 2-3 fingers to tap here.
5. CHIN (CH) � Right below and in line with the Under the Nose point, located below the mouth, mid-way between the lower lip and the chin, in a little indentation. Again, only one chin point. Use 2-3 fingers to tap on it.
6. COLLARBONE (CB) � Located just a little bit to the side of where a man�s tie would be knotted, or about an inch down from the collarbone and a little away from the breastbone, in a meaty little pocket of tissue. You can use 3-4 fingers to tap on this point.
7. UNDER the ARM (UA) � The last point is found about half way between the top of the arm pit and the lower ribs, in the midline of the lateral chest. It is also about at the level of a woman�s bra strap, at the most lateral part of the chest. You can use 3-4 fingers to tap on this point.

These are the EFT tapping points used in energy psychology. By themselves, they are simply areas on the body that are used to deliver acupuncture therapy; when combined with the proper concepts and phraseology during an EFT session, they can help change your life.


Dr. Theodore Herazy is a prolific writer on a wide variety of Alternative Medicine topics; he has authored hundreds of articles and two books in the area of men's health and nutrition. He primarily has used EFT on a daily basis to treat his patients for the last 10 years, and is considered an expert in the field of energy psychology. Visit http://www.EFTbyTelephone.com for additional information on many EFT topics and information about doing EFT by phone.