Healing from Childhood Abuse

Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

In the 37 years that I have been counseling individuals, I have worked with many people who have suffered from severe physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse in childhood. Many who have sought my help were suffering from fear and anxiety, depression, various addictions, relationship problems and sexual problems. Many of these people had no memory of their childhood and had no idea why there were so unhappy. Many had spent years in therapy yet had never remembered their abuse.

The reason they could not remember the traumatic events of their childhood is because the child or children within, who suffered the abuse, did not feel safe in revealing the abuse. These unconscious inner parts were protecting the person from reliving the horrible pain of the past. These inner children knew that the adult self did not have the strength to learn about and manage the information and the feelings.

In order to remember and heal traumatic events from the past that are affecting you today, you need to have a strong and loving Adult self who is capable of managing emotional pain. Without this loving inner Adult, you may get so flooded and overwhelmed with the feelings of traumatic memories that you cannot function.

The gentle, transformational Inner Bonding process that we teach is a process for developing this strong, loving Adult self. The loving Adult is the aspect of us that is connected with a powerful and loving Source of spiritual guidance – whatever this is for you. Learning and practicing the Inner Bonding process develops your ability to connect with your personal Source of spiritual guidance. It is your connection with your guidance that gives you the strength to manage the intensely painful feelings of childhood abuse.

Once the inner children who hold the memories feel safe that there is a loving Adult self who is capable of managing the feelings, you will start to remember your past. As these memories come up, you will begin to understand the conclusions you drew about yourself that are currently causing your pain. Almost all children who have been abused draw erroneous conclusions about themselves as a result of the abuse – false beliefs such as, “I’m not important.” “I have no worth.” “I am just an object for others’ use.” “I am not lovable.” “I should never have been born.” “I would be better off dead.” “I don’t deserve love.” “I am a bad person.” It is these beliefs that are causing your present pain.

Healing from childhood abuse is not just about remembering the past. It is about remembering the very good reasons you had for drawing the conclusions that are currently causing you such pain. It is about gently and lovingly acknowledging what happened that led to your present beliefs that are now limiting you. It is about learning how to access the truth from your spiritual source so that you can move out of lies that you are telling yourself that are causing your current pain.

Most of us learn to treat ourselves based on how we were treated and how our parents or caregivers treated themselves. When your parents abused you, they were also not taking loving care of themselves and were not role modeling loving self-care. As long as you treat yourself the way your parents or other caregivers treated you and themselves, you will suffer. Healing from childhood abuse is about developing your loving Adult self so that you can learn to treat your inner child or inner children the way you always wanted to be treated.

You CAN fully heal from childhood abuse, but only through learning to access and bring into your being the love, truth, wisdom and strength of your spiritual guidance. Through learning and practicing the Inner Bonding process, you will discover the incredibly beautiful and perfect essence within you – the part of you that was never damaged by the abuse. This is your true Self that will emerge as you heal the false beliefs of your wounded self. This is what will happen as you develop your loving Adult self through learning and practicing the Inner Bonding process.

Emotional Freedom Techique - Finding the Core Issue

Theodore Herazy

Perhaps the most effective way in which to treat a negative emotional issue with Emotional Freedom Technique is to first locate and treat it directly via an early event that started or initiated the onset of a particular personal challenge. Once this core memory is determined, it can be cleared with the Emotional Freedom Techniques process. This will invariably help to resolve that particular issue. However, as easy as this is to report, it is often challenging to simply discover the onset of a core memory.

Body focused approach to identify a core issue

There are many ways to approach the discovery of important cores issues in EFT. These lurk below the surface of many of life�s emotional problems. Sometimes a person will attempt to use logic to follow a problem back in time. This is time consuming, and often doesn't work due to limits of the memory.

Another way exists to uncover the start of an early core memory. It is surprisingly effective with those who are �over thinkers.� In this approach it is necessary to still the inner voice, and tolisten to the voice of the emotions and feel the internal response that caused the inital negative emotions. Use the physical or body region associated with a stressful issue to gain access to long-forgotten memories related to the core issue.

First step

Attempt to tune into the strongest or most common feelings that arise with the stressful emotion or memory. Let us use the example of being afraid of the dark. In this case, simply tune into the feeling of, or to "be with," feeling afraid while alone in the dark. Just remember what the last time was like, what was felt, what was experienced in the dark. Take no effort to recall the specific details of the external environment. Do not think of or recall what was seen or heard; only recall and attempt to relive what was felt while being in the dark. The specific goal is to notice what sensations and feeling are felt during the last fearful episode in the dark, as well as where they were felt.

Second step

Next, describe the physical sensations using as much detail as possible. For instance, where in the chest is the tightness felt? How much of the arm feels heavy and dull? Is the headache on both sides of the head, or just one; front or back? How large an area of the truck does the numbness extend? Is it dull, sharp or perhaps like pressure? And so forth with as details and descriptors whenever possible. By this process of feeling the entire physical experience of the stressful event, it is possible to come closer to the core issue itself.

Third step

After a\reaching a high level of awareness, notice what emotions, memories, internal dialogue or visual scenes come to your awareness. It might be a recollection of sounds, warnings, criticisms, outbursts and conversation. Many times it is not a dialogue that is being recalled, but a replay of what the person has heard others say at the time of the stessful event.

Last step � Float back

Keep the physical sensations going. Allow the memory to "float back" and keep the attention on the details of the bodily sensations, emotions and personal-statements with a casual, relaxed and receptive attitude. Do not work on figuring out anything or making something happen; merely take time to allow the memory of interesting and forgotten thoughts to come to you.

Commonly a memory or image will arise after a short while, and are images connected to the current stressful issue. Do not be impatient with the process. After a few seconds it is common for someone to say, "I can�t think of anything. I am just not good at this kind of thing.� There should be no rush nor effort to think. Feel and experience long-forgotten memories. Almost like memories of a dream. Do not expect too much to happen too quickly, since this will stop information from surfacing. Take an attitude of no pressure, a relaxed state of mind in which thoughts come and go freely.

If you do not feel anything in their body, this can be significant as the actual problem being addressed. Since taking hte time to notice one's breath is an exercise in bodily awareness, this will bring energy into the body by way of greater oxygen flow, but deeper relaxation that comes with deeper breathing will enhance the ability to feel bodily sensations.

With a little coaxing and relaxed repetition, it is possible to recall an experience or scene related to the early onset of the stressful event or emotion. Once you achiee that memory, you are well on your way to great emotional release when treated with Emotional Freedom Technique.



Dr. Theodore Herazy is a prolific writer on a wide variety of Alternative Medicine topics; he has authored hundreds of articles and two books in the area of men's health and nutrition. He primarily has used EFT on a daily basis to treat his patients for the last 10 years, and is considered an expert in the field of energy psychology. Visit EFT by Telephone

Emotional Freedom Technique - Identifying Core Issues

Theodore Herazy

Perhaps the most effective way in which to treat a negative emotional issue with Emotional Freedom Technique is to first locate and treat it directly via an early event that started or initiated the onset of a particular personal challenge. Once this core memory is determined, it can be cleared with the Emotional Freedom Techniques process. This will invariably help to resolve that particular issue. However, as easy as this is to report, it is often challenging to simply discover the onset of a core memory.

Body focused approach to identify a core issue

There are many ways to approach the discovery of important cores issues in EFT. These lurk below the surface of many of life�s emotional problems. Sometimes a person will attempt to use logic to follow a problem back in time. This is time consuming, and often doesn't work due to limits of the memory.

Another way exists to uncover the start of an early core memory. It is surprisingly effective with those who are �over thinkers.� In this approach it is necessary to still the inner voice, and tolisten to the voice of the emotions and feel the internal response that caused the inital negative emotions. Use the physical or body region associated with a stressful issue to gain access to long-forgotten memories related to the core issue.

First step

Attempt to tune into the strongest or most common feelings that arise with the stressful emotion or memory. Let us use the example of being afraid of the dark. In this case, simply tune into the feeling of, or to "be with," feeling afraid while alone in the dark. Just remember what the last time was like, what was felt, what was experienced in the dark. Take no effort to recall the specific details of the external environment. Do not think of or recall what was seen or heard; only recall and attempt to relive what was felt while being in the dark. The specific goal is to notice what sensations and feeling are felt during the last fearful episode in the dark, as well as where they were felt.

Second step

Next, describe the physical sensations using as much detail as possible. For instance, where in the chest is the tightness felt? How much of the arm feels heavy and dull? Is the headache on both sides of the head, or just one; front or back? How large an area of the truck does the numbness extend? Is it dull, sharp or perhaps like pressure? And so forth with as details and descriptors whenever possible. By this process of feeling the entire physical experience of the stressful event, it is possible to come closer to the core issue itself.

Third step

After a\reaching a high level of awareness, notice what emotions, memories, internal dialogue or visual scenes come to your awareness. It might be a recollection of sounds, warnings, criticisms, outbursts and conversation. Many times it is not a dialogue that is being recalled, but a replay of what the person has heard others say at the time of the stessful event.

Last step � Float back

Keep the physical sensations going. Allow the memory to "float back" and keep the attention on the details of the bodily sensations, emotions and personal-statements with a casual, relaxed and receptive attitude. Do not work on figuring out anything or making something happen; merely take time to allow the memory of interesting and forgotten thoughts to come to you.

Commonly a memory or image will arise after a short while, and are images connected to the current stressful issue. Do not be impatient with the process. After a few seconds it is common for someone to say, "I can�t think of anything. I am just not good at this kind of thing.� There should be no rush nor effort to think. Feel and experience long-forgotten memories. Almost like memories of a dream. Do not expect too much to happen too quickly, since this will stop information from surfacing. Take an attitude of no pressure, a relaxed state of mind in which thoughts come and go freely.

If you do not feel anything in their body, this can be significant as the actual problem being addressed. Since taking hte time to notice one's breath is an exercise in bodily awareness, this will bring energy into the body by way of greater oxygen flow, but deeper relaxation that comes with deeper breathing will enhance the ability to feel bodily sensations.

With a little coaxing and relaxed repetition, it is possible to recall an experience or scene related to the early onset of the stressful event or emotion. Once you achiee that memory, you are well on your way to great emotional release when treated with Emotional Freedom technique.


Dr. Theodore Herazy is a prolific writer on a wide variety of Alternative Medicine topics; he has authored hundreds of articles and two books in the area of men's health and nutrition. He primarily has used EFT on a daily basis to treat his patients for the last 10 years, and is considered an expert in the field of energy psychology. Visit http://www.EFTbyTelephone.com for additional information on many EFT topics and information about doing EFT by phone.

Emotional Freedom Technique - Tapping Points

Theodore Herazy

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is much more than a collection of particular tapping points; it is a self-administered method of energy psychology that to reduce a wide variety of emotional stresses.

The ability of EFT to favorably influence stressful emotions resides primarily in the ability to locate and remain focused on the correct issue that generates the greatest emotional stress, all while doing the standard Emotional Freedom Technique procedure. If a person is unable to determine the best and most stressful issue on which apply EFT, it is still helpful to create an accurate EFT set-up statement about the stressful issue and remain focused on it. Without the ability to isolate and hold onto the thought of an important stressful issue, using the EFT tapping points will not offer the kind of relief from negative emotions that results from clearly focused can offer.

This does not mean EFT tapping points are unimportant? While the actual EFT tapping points are important, the act of physically tapping during an Emotional Freedom Technique session is not nearly as important as selecting the correct issue to address, and how to compose the set-up statement about that issue. For greatest success it is important to invest time and effort to collect, prepare and mentally lock onto the memory or feeling that developed when your energy system became disrupted so long ago.

General EFT tapping point information

Some quick information about EFT tapping points in general:
1. Use several fingers to tap on each point, so you do not miss anything. Like using a big hammer, you will not miss the target.

2. Tap gently but firmly, fast enough that you tap maybe 5-7 times in 1-2 seconds.
3. Most EFT tapping points are bilateral, meaning they are found on both the right and left side of the body. It is not necessary to tap on both sides; tap on whatever side feels comfortable. You can tap on the left side only, on the right side only, switch between right and left, or you can even tap on both sides at the same time. It doesn�t make much difference, just tap on at least one of each tapping points.

4. Tap with the tips of fingers, not the fleshy pads.
5. Tap firmly, but never so much to hurt yourself.
6. With the exception of the top of the collarbone and under the arm points, I suggest using 2-3 fingers at each tapping point.
7. Remove your eyeglasses, watch and other jewelry that might interfere with reaching the EFT tapping points.
Either of two EFT tapping points used during the Set-Up Statement

There are two points you can �tap on� while repeating the EFT set-up statement. One is called the Karate Chop (KC) point. It is located at the outer edge of the hand just below the knuckle of the little finger. Not on the side of the knuckle, but below it.
The alternate point to use while repeating the set-up statement is called the Sore Spot; it is not at all a small point like the others, but more like an area covering a 2-3 inch circle. It is well known as a neurolymphatic drainage area that removes toxins from all the tissues above it. The Sore Spot is located on the upper and outer part of the chest, over the pectoral muscle, below the outer part of the collarbone, before you reach the head of the arm bone at the shoulder joint.
Seven EFT tapping points used with the Reminder Phrase

Next we will describe the location of the seven EFT tapping points used during the Reminder Phrase portion of an EFT round. These are all located either on the face or truck � five on the face and two on the trunk.

1. EYE BROW (EB) � The highest one, located at the beginning of the eyebrow, near the center of the face and near the nose. Use 2-3 fingers on either one of the two eyebrow points.
2. SIDE of EYE (SE) � Located near the outer end of the eyebrow, on the bone at the side of the eye. It is not close to the eye, and it is not on the temple. It is very near the end of the eyebrow. Use 2-3 fingers to tap here.
3. UNDER the EYE (UE) � Found under the eye in line with the pupil, very near the boney ridge of the eye socket. Again, you can use 2-3 fingers to tap on either of these two points.
4. UNDER the NOSE (UN) � Locate above the mouth, about half way between the nose and the upper lip. As you can see, there is only one. Once again, use 2-3 fingers to tap here.
5. CHIN (CH) � Right below and in line with the Under the Nose point, located below the mouth, mid-way between the lower lip and the chin, in a little indentation. Again, only one chin point. Use 2-3 fingers to tap on it.
6. COLLARBONE (CB) � Located just a little bit to the side of where a man�s tie would be knotted, or about an inch down from the collarbone and a little away from the breastbone, in a meaty little pocket of tissue. You can use 3-4 fingers to tap on this point.
7. UNDER the ARM (UA) � The last point is found about half way between the top of the arm pit and the lower ribs, in the midline of the lateral chest. It is also about at the level of a woman�s bra strap, at the most lateral part of the chest. You can use 3-4 fingers to tap on this point.

These are the EFT tapping points used in energy psychology. By themselves, they are simply areas on the body that are used to deliver acupuncture therapy; when combined with the proper concepts and phraseology during an EFT session, they can help change your life.


Dr. Theodore Herazy is a prolific writer on a wide variety of Alternative Medicine topics; he has authored hundreds of articles and two books in the area of men's health and nutrition. He primarily has used EFT on a daily basis to treat his patients for the last 10 years, and is considered an expert in the field of energy psychology. Visit http://www.EFTbyTelephone.com for additional information on many EFT topics and information about doing EFT by phone.

Cognitive Skills Determine Learning Ability

Cognitive Skills Determine Learning Ability

by: Susan du Plessis

Research has shown that cognitive skills are a determining factor of an individual's learning ability. Cognitive skills are mental skills that are used in the process of acquiring knowledge; according to Oxfordlearning.com the skills that "separate the good learners from the so-so learners." In essence, when cognitive skills are strong, learning is fast and easy. When cognitive skills are weak, learning becomes a struggle.

Many children become frustrated and find schoolwork difficult because they do not have the cognitive skills required to process information properly. Many employees find themselves stuck in dead-end jobs that do not tap into their true vocational potential due to weak cognitive skills. In the later years of life, a lack of cognitive skills -- poor concentration, the inability to focus, and memory loss -- is a common problem that accompanies us.

It should be noted that, irrespective of age, cognitive skills can be improved with the right training. Weak cognitive skills can be strengthened, and normal cognitive skills can be enhanced to increase ease and performance in learning.

The following cognitive skills are the most important:

CONCENTRATION

Concentration is the ability to focus the attention on one single thought or subject, excluding everything else from the field of awareness. It is one of the most important abilities one should possess, as nothing great can be achieved without it.

Students need to concentrate and focus on completing a homework assignment, a project, or review for a test in order to excel in school, learn the subject, and get good grades. Athletes need to concentrate on performance, execution, and strategy in order to do their best and overcome their opponent. Entrepreneurs need to concentrate on all the factors involved in starting a new business and promoting their product or service. They need to do this in order to get their idea off the ground and make their enterprise into a profitable entity. Business leaders need to concentrate on their company mission, vision, and strategies, as well as the work at hand, in order to stay ahead of their competitors. Workers need to concentrate on their jobs and fulfilling their supervisor's goals, in order to complete projects and advance in their careers.

Improving the ability to concentrate allows a person to avoid the problems, embarrassment, and difficulties that occur when the mind wanders. Better concentration makes studying easier and speeds up comprehension. It enables one to take advantage of the social and business opportunities that arise when individuals are fully attuned to the world around them. It helps one to focus on one's goals and achieve them more easily.

PERCEPTION

Sensation is the pickup of information by our sensory receptors, for example the eyes, ears, skin, nostrils, and tongue. In vision, sensation occurs as rays of light are collected by the two eyes and focused on the retina. In hearing, sensation occurs as waves of pulsating air are collected by the outer ear and transmitted through the bones of the middle ear to the cochlear nerve.

Perception, on the other hand, is the interpretation of what is sensed. The physical events transmitted to the retina may be interpreted as a particular color, pattern, or shape. The physical events picked up by the ear may be interpreted as musical sounds, a human voice, noise, and so forth.

Lack of experience may cause a person to misinterpret what he has sensed. In other words, perception represents our apprehension of a present situation in terms of our past experiences, or, as stated by the philosopher Immanuel Kant (1724-1804): "We see things not as they are but as we are."

Deficits in visual perception can hinder a person's ability to make sense of information received through the eyes, while deficits in auditory perception interferes with an individual's ability to analyze or make sense of information received through the ears.

A classic example of a deficit in visual perception is the child who confuses letters such as b, d, p and q. Many adults find their reading speed to be inadequate as a result of underlying perceptual deficits.

By improving accuracy and speed of perception, one is able to absorb and process information accurately and quickly. Reading speed will also improve and reading problems can be overcome.

MEMORY

Memory is probably the most important of all cognitive functions.

Roughly speaking, the sensory register concerns memories that last no more than about a second or two. If a line of print were flashed at you very rapidly, say, for one-tenth of a second, all the letters you can visualize for a brief moment after that presentation constitute the sensory register.

When you are trying to recall a telephone number that was heard a few seconds earlier, the name of a person who has just been introduced, or the substance of the remarks just made by a teacher in class, you are calling on short-term memory, or working memory. This lasts from a few seconds to a minute; the exact amount of time may vary somewhat. You need this kind of memory to retain ideas and thoughts as you work on problems. In writing a letter, for example, you must be able to keep the last sentence in mind as you compose the next. To solve an arithmetic problem like (3 X 3) + (4 X 2) in your head, you need to keep the intermediate results in mind (i.e., 3 X 3 = 9) to be able to solve the entire problem.

A poor short-term memory may lead to difficulties in processing, understanding and organization. By improving one's short-term memory, one is better able to process, understand and organize incoming information.

Long-term memory is the ability to store information and later retrieve it, and lasts from a minute or so to weeks or even years. From long-term memory you can recall general information about the world that you learned on previous occasions, memory for specific past experiences, specific rules previously learned, and the like.

Research has shown that, on average, within 24 hours one forgets 80% of what one has learned. By improving long-term memory schoolchildren and students are able to store and retrieve information more effectively.

Visual memory is a person's ability to remember what he has seen, while auditory memory is a person's ability to remember what he has heard. Various researchers have stated that as much as eighty percent of all learning takes place through the eye. Needless to say, improving visual memory will have a tremendous effect on a person's learning ability. The same is true of improving auditory memory.

LOGICAL THINKING

Logical thinking is a learned process in which one uses reasoning consistently to arrive at a conclusion. Problems or situations that involve logical thinking call for structure, for relationships between facts, and for chains of reasoning that "make sense."

According to Dr. Albrecht, author of "Brain Building", the basis of all logical thinking is sequential thought. This process involves taking the important ideas, facts, and conclusions involved in a problem and arranging them in a chain-like progression that takes on a meaning in and of itself. To think logically is to think in steps.

The ability to think logically allows a person to reject quick and easy answers, such as "I don't know," or "this is too difficult," by empowering him to delve deeper into his thinking processes and understand better the methods used to arrive at a solution. It has been shown that training in logical thinking processes makes a person brighter.

Visit Susan's website A 2 Z of Learning for information on Audiblox and Compublox, two cognitive enhancement programs, designed to improve concentration, perception, memory, and logical thinking.

This article can be freely used as long as a link to "A 2 Z of Learning" (http://www.learninginfo.org) is provided.

To find other free health content see e-healtharticles.com

Are You Stuck in Your Life?

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          <p><h3>Are You Stuck in Your Life?</h3></p>
          <p><h4>Margaret Paul, Ph.D.</h4></p>
          <p><font face="Arial,Helvetica" size=2>
Are you constantly reading self-help and motivational books yet nothing changes? Have you tried many different forms of therapy yet still feel unhappy, anxious, depressed and alone? Do you often have the answers for others but not for yourself? <br><br>The problem may be that you are intent on “fixing” problems rather than learning about what is in your highest good and taking the loving action. You will stay stuck when fixing is more important than learning and taking action. <br><br>Many people are information addicts – reading everything they can in the hopes of finding the right answer to their problems. Yet even when they do come across something they can do to make things better, they don’t do it. They stay in their head trying to figure it out rather than take the actions they need to take. This would be like reading everything you can about exercise and thinking about exercising, yet not taking the action of actually exercising. <br><br>I run into this issue all the time with my clients. The Six Step Inner Bonding process that we teach is a powerful process for getting unstuck, as well as for healing the underlying issues that keep people stuck. Many people will read my books and even have sessions with me, yet are completely resistant to actually practicing the process. They can spout the theory and even teach it to others, but because they are not practicing it, nothing changes for them. <br><br>For example, Jonathon sought my help because of his depression over money. Jonathon is a person who reads everything, yet nothing works for him. His business is falling apart and so is his marriage.<br><br>In my first session with Jonathon, I heard his endless negative self-talk. “Nothing will ever change for me. I will always be a loser. The things that work for other people will never work for me. I am going to end up on the streets. It has always been this way for me and always will be. Other people are lucky but I am not.” On and on he went. No wonder he was so anxious and depressed!<br><br>I asked him to imagine that he was saying these negative things to his actual child. <br><br>“I would never say things like that to him – it would scare him.” <br><br>“Yet this is what you are constantly saying to your own inner child. You are constantly scaring yourself with your negative self-talk.”<br><br>“I know. I treat myself really badly. But I can’t seem to stop. I’ve read your books and I understand the Inner Bonding process, but I don’t think it can help me.”<br><br>“Have you tried it?”<br><br>“No.”<br><br>“Why not?”<br><br>“I don’t think it will help me. I don’t think it will work.” <br><br>Jonathan wants a magic pill to fix him. He doesn’t want to have to take the action that will help him. His negative self-talk is a form of control. He believes that if he beats himself up enough, he will somehow get himself to change. He believes that beating himself up will fix things. He is as addicted to negativity as someone else might be addicted to alcohol, and it won’t solve his problems any more than alcohol will.<br><br>Jonathan doesn’t want to know that his negative self-talk is what is causing his problems. He doesn’t want to know that he is actually the creator of his own life and that he is creating what he doesn’t want instead of what he does want. He doesn’t want to know that his anxiety and other painful feelings are his natural inner guidance system letting him know that he is off course in this thinking. He doesn’t want to take responsibility for his own thoughts and feelings and for what he creates in his life. <br><br>Until Jonathan is willing to take responsibility for his thoughts and his actions or lack of action, he will stay stuck in resistance, stuck being a victim.<br><br>
</p>
          <p><font face="Arial,Helvetica" size=2>Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: <a href="http://www.innerbonding.com">http://www.innerbonding.com</a> or email her at <A HREF="mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com">margaret@innerbonding.com</A>. Phone sessions available.</p>

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